WORDS MATTER

I saw the phrase “Watch your words” written on a piece of paper recently — and it caught me. Just a few words, but they held a truth I’ve felt for years. We speak so casually, tossing words around without realizing that what feels harmless to us might land heavily, quietly shaping someone else’s sense of self.

The Words That Shape Us

For me, it often sounded like this:

“You’re not going out looking like that, are you?”

That exact line. I remember it clearly.

I heard it more times than I should have, but truthfully, once would have been enough. Enough to teach me that my natural self — my face without effort, my clothes chosen for comfort, just me — wasn’t acceptable. That I needed to be more polished, more put-together, more something to be seen.

Then came the familiar follow-up comments:

“You look tired.”

“Are you feeling sick?”

Not intended to hurt, I’m sure — but over time, they layered quietly on top of each other and taught me that the way I naturally showed up wasn’t okay.

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Women Carry These Stories

When I speak with women — clients, friends, women online — I hear countless versions of this same experience. Different words. Different ages. Different homes.

But the same message underneath:

You must change or improve yourself to be accepted.

And without even realizing it, we internalize that belief.

This is the programming so many of us are trying to undo.

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A Moment of Truth

“Your worth is inherent. It never changes — not with makeup, not with effort, not with perfection.”

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Healing the Old Beliefs

As I move through my own healing, I think about my three daughters and my son. My deepest hope is that they grow up knowing they are enough. That their worth isn’t tied to their hair, their clothes, their makeup, or how “awake” they look on any given day.

And I’m aware that before I understood my own inner dialogue, my pain sometimes leaked outward. Not intentionally, but because unhealed pain does that. I’m also aware that I still have work to do. I still catch myself making comments that don’t align with who I’m becoming — but now that I’m conscious and doing the work, I can notice it quickly, hold myself accountable, and call myself out so the people I love don’t have to carry it.

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Waking Up to What We’ve Carried

When we finally notice the weight of other people’s opinions and expectations that we’ve been carrying for far too long, the real work begins.

We slow down.

We observe.

We reflect.

We heal.

We forgive.

And we take accountability for the moments when our own unhealed parts may have landed on someone we love.

That’s what growth looks like.

That’s how we return to ourselves.

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Reflection Prompt

Take a moment and ask yourself:

What words — whether spoken by someone else or spoken by you — have quietly shaped how you see yourself?Which ones are you ready to release?

And what kinder truth do you want to replace them with?